No Light, No Light
by Welcome to my House of Mirrors
Summary: Kind of a sequel to my one-shot As the Sun Fades. Lancelot finds Merlin up in the castle's turrets. WARNING: Depression, Thoughts of Suicide, and Mediocre Writing


**Since no one will humour me by writing a sequel of their own, I have decided to humour those who have asked with a one-shot that could be read as a sequel if one so chooses to read it that way. Be happy that my heart is too soft to allow me to resist the pleas of my reviewers. **

**This is written in kind of a different style than As the Sun Fades, seeing as it essentially comes from Lancelot's point of view and not Merlin's. So.**

**Without further ado, read on.**

* * *

_No light, no light_

_In your bright blue eyes._

_I never knew daylight could be so violent._

_A revelation in the light of day;_

_You can't choose what stays and what fades away._

~Florence + the Machine

* * *

When Lancelot first found Merlin sitting precariously on the wall of the turrets, looking down into the courtyard below, he froze.

It was late evening, and the knight had been looking to get some fresh air, which was why he came up to the turrets in the first place.

Naturally, he was shocked — and panicked — when he found his young friend perched on the edge, his legs dangling into oblivion, looking for all the world like he was about to throw himself off.

Lancelot had _seen_ the way Merlin had been acting lately. He had been worried sick about the servant for ages now, along with most likely everyone else in the castle. So in all honesty, when he first found Merlin in the turrets, he was terrified.

But being Lancelot, and perhaps one of Merlin's closest friends, he knew that he had to go about this calmly, or something very bad might happen.

"Merlin," he greeted, fighting to keep his voice steady. "What are you doing up here at this hour?"

The younger man shrugged and pulled one knee up to his chest. "Just thinking," he replied without turning.

"Thinking about what?" Lancelot asked gently, coming up to stand beside his friend.

"I dunno." That was the answer, but the way Merlin leaned forward very slightly gave Lancelot all the information he needed.

The knight closed his eyes and took in a quiet breath.

"Why don't you come down from there?" he coaxed, resting his hand lightly on Merlin's shoulder.

For the first time in a long time, Merlin turned and looked and Lancelot. _Really _looked at him. And for the first time in a long time, Lancelot got a good look at Merlin.

There was no light in his eyes anymore. It was like the spark had gone out of them, leaving them vacant and cold. This was perhaps what frightened the knight most of all.

"I think I'll stay up here for a while longer, if you don't mind," Merlin said, shifting away from Lancelot's hand.

"Please, Merlin," the older man protested, his voice breaking against his will. "I need you to come down."

There was a flash of something in the servant's empty eyes, and he complied, nodding slightly.

They didn't leave the turrets; rather, they sat with their backs against the wall that Merlin had previously been positioned on the edge of. For a while it was quiet.

"I wasn't going to jump, you know," Merlin said finally, turning to look at Lancelot.

The knight didn't reply. It wasn't that he didn't believe Merlin, it was just that he wasn't sure if the servant would be saying that had he been up there any longer.

"Really, I wasn't," Merlin pressed. "I was just… thinking about what it would be like if I… did."

"Merlin, what's _wrong?_" Lancelot asked desperately, turning to search the younger man's face. "Why won't you _talk_ to anyone?"

"I don't know what's wrong, Lancelot," Merlin admitted. "I just… can't be happy anymore. I don't know what happened."

"Have you talked to Gaius?"

"No."

"Why not?" the knight questioned. "If anyone can help you, I'm sure Gaius can."

"I don't want to talk about it," Merlin mumbled, wrapping his arms loosely around his chest. "It's too scary. Besides, I don't want anyone to worry about me."

"Don't want people to _worry_ about you?" Lancelot asked incredulously. "Merlin, _everyone_ is worried about you! You haven't been yourself for months! And now I'm scared that next time you won't just be _thinking_ about what it would be like if you jumped." The knight placed a firm hand on Merlin's shoulder and squeezed tightly, holding his gaze. "You need to talk to someone about this. Keeping all this unhappiness inside isn't healthy, and it isn't right. And let me tell you something; you worry people a hell of a lot more by distancing yourself than you do by seeking help."

"Thank you, Lancelot," the younger man said.

"Promise me that you'll talk to Gaius."

Merlin hesitated, and then sighed.

"I won't make promises I don't know if I can keep."

* * *

**I don't like this one half as much as the other one, but oh well. Seriously though guys, will someone please, ****_please_**** write their own sequel? I really want to read it!**


End file.
